i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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