Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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