It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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