After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
