a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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