Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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