She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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