I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
