I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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