Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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