I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
