i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
