we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
