He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
