If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
