Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
