so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
