so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
