Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
