Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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