Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've changed since you got that strap on
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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