Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize