Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
