I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
