her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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