:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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