mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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