We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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