I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
