her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
