Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
