i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dignity is for republicans.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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