I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
