guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
