Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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