I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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