my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
