I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
