Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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