Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
