i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
