I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
