I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
