im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just cropdusted the office
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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