sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
