I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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