I will die if light touches me.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
