His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize