had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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