If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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