Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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