I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
