Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
