What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
