Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
