you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
