How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she told me i tasted like america
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
