Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
