Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
