Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
