She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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