I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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