cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
