This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
