Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
