Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
