We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
