I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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