Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
