Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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