They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
