On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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