Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
