I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
