You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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