hotel room ftw
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
