Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
