You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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