I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
