So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
